The Author and Historian Washington Irving had this to say about Tears....
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition,
and of unspeakable love.
How true that is! Crying is a natural human response to deep emotion, whether that be hurt, frustration, guilt, anger, fear joy or one of many other powerful human emotions.
The act of having a good cry is often accompanied with a sense of relief and unburdening. Yet for some of us, having a cry represents weakness, shame and embarrassment.
When we raise the subject of crying it engenders a host of different views and assumptions, both with positive and negative slants. This range of views isn’t surprising given the act of shedding tears is considered one of the most dramatic and unique human behaviours, yet we still have little systematic knowledge of it (1)
Although, the role of cultural and gender differences in the propensity to cry has been studied for decades and outcomes show that women generally cry more than men (2) It has been suggested that there may be a biological reason for this, and testosterone may inhibit crying (2). Other studies also show that crying is more prevalent in countries where there exists greater freedom of expression and social resources. Even so, it’s likely that cultural influences and expectations remain a larger factor for men, young and old, to avoid crying as compared with women.
Does holding back those tears do us any favours? The literature commonly states that
crying is psychologically beneficial, for reasons such as :
Emotional Regulation - which in turn, has a significant impact on mood.
Enhanced Social Bonds - crying can act as a signal to others that you're in distress, encouraging social connection and support that can lead to the strengthening of relationships
Creating a sense of relief - potentially because it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps the body rest and reset.
Experiencing a new understanding or resolution of the situation that triggered the crying.
Processing Complex Emotions - crying often accompanies moments of reflection or catharsis, helping people process grief, loss, or other complex emotional states.
Despite these benefits, and crying being a natural human behaviour, some people report as rarely needing to cry and others not at all There may be other and specific reasons for this, such as fear of ridicule, acute embarrassment, stigma or a sense of self protection.
Additionally, there are situations where crying may not be helpful for emotional wellbeing. In such circumstances, it's important to distinsuish between the 'Unhelpful'
and the 'being prevented from crying due to fear of what others may think'
When can Crying be Unhelpful -
When it gets in the way of meaningful, productive dialogue. For example, when the tears trump another person’s expression of emotion. If this becomes a pattern, it can shut down the non-crying person and their needs repeatedly get pushed aside. If this is something you recognise, there are strategies that can help to
facilitate you having difficult conversations without crying.
Chronic crying, without relief, may signal underlying conditions such as depression or anxiety. If crying feels unhelpful or overwhelming, it may indicate a deeper issue is at play that may be worth exploring.
When it doesn’t align with an individual's emotional needs
and neither does it provide any relief. Seeking professional help can assist with identifying potential causes or triggers and developing strategies to realign behaviours with those emotional needs.
References:
(1) Journal of Research in Personality. When and for whom does crying improve Mood?
Lauren Bylsma et.al, August 2011.
(2) American Psychological Association. Why we cry -
New research is opening eyes to the psychology of tears.
Lorna Collier, February 2014
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